I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize