My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
