im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
