I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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