I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
