umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
