ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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