He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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