my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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