apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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