How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
That accounts for only three of the penises
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
