Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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