He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
