I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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