At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
