It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize