she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
