Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
