No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize