I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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