See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
