I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
