i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
