There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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