Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
