Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
