remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize