just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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