I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
