fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
