Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
