So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
