You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
