smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
