If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
