how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
