I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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