I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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