carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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