so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
