With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize