Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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