Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
