I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
