I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
