New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize