i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
