Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Everything about him screamed your future.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
