you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
