DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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