there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
