I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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