every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
