This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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