Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
