It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
