Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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