I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
