Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize