You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
