did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
