I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
