I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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