As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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