Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
