His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
